I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
