Life is so much better after having sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
