if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
