I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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