She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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