And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
