i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
