Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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