I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
