Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
