I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
