I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
