We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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