My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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