Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
