I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
