umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
