Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
