He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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