I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
