is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You made out with two different species that night
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
