ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize