dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just found a bag of teeth...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
