Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
