I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
