I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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