4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
