Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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