you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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