return my video game
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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