...so i touched it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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