oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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