I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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