dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
