i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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