i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
