i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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