My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
