Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
