good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
