My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
