I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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