So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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