apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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