i barfeds in our rink
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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