i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
