you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
