I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
