were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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