i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
