My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
