Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
