Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
