the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
