Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
