I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
