I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
