How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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