He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
