I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
