Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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