i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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