What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
