I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
