Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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