What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
handjob tips. give me some.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
