i can't believe i had my finger in that
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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