I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
