i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize