So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
